Yes it looks like very bad french, but at dinner the other night I was discussing the idea that sometimes in life it is ok to be selfish and one of the children misheard me and thought I said sell fish so we decided it would be better in french and that was the closest they could get!
The point was that at times we need to think about ourselves and what it actually the right thing to do for us. This does not mean we can walk around saying we are better than anyone else and being an arsehole about it (apologies but there really is no better word here) but we have to realise that it is ok to put our own well being at the forefront in our life.
It’s ok to be you too, and the guy on the corner. In fact everyone is ok to be themselves – but the most important person in your life is you and that is who you need to focus on right now. SO lets sit down and do just that. How many times this week have you done something just for you? Here’s my list of things I do just for me just because I can –
1) eat cake for breakfast
2) sit in my favourite spot in the garden after 4 as the sun is dropping
3) read a book that has no relevance to work whatsoever
4) hug people for no reason
5) read with my children
6) sit in a field with my friends
7) do the gardening
8) make something beautiful FOR ME….
these things make me smile and make me feel happy – how many have I actually achieved lately? not enough…. so I know I need to reevaluate my time use and make sure that I get to do more of these and less of whatever is causing me to not be able to do them. Some of them are simple things that take very little time and you will probably find the same in your life. It is often the small things that become ultimately time consuming and then the things that you dread which start to take over your world. this leads on to you not enjoying what you do and in return not enjoying your life. That is when you need to STOP and take stock of what you are doing and work out why you are doing it.
Is you current goal yours or someone elses? Are you doing what you do out of obligation? If so stop doing it…. you are no obligation in life to please anyone else. Also you are not here to help anyone else. Yes it is good to give to charity, go to your grandma’s birthday party, compliment your best mate on their new dress but you don’t have to do these things 24/7. Limit your other-peopleness to a level where it does not become the overwhelming force in your life like a tidal wave that leaves you drowning. Consider that you have a limit each day to keep a balance between you and other people and each time you do something for others you have to do something for you.
Now this will ultimately become based on two factors TIME and MONEY. And you cannot overspend on either due to obvious real world limitations so you are going to have to work out how to balance them in the same way you work out how much you have to send when you go food shopping or why you have never bought that Vivienne Westwood dress when Primark will do.
Start by making your list of what makes you happy just like I did and then make a list of what is getting in the way right next to it – 8 of each will do.
Now you need to think about how you are going to get from one to the other…..
All too often it is work life balance and then the added ‘obligations’ that mean we never get to do the happy list. It could even be the work full stop. Don’t be afraid of making big changes in your life in order to move forward, but starting with smaller ones helps. If it means saying “no thank you” nest time your colleagues ask you out for mexican when you can’t stand spicy food anyway go for it. Or not taking overtime this month so you can see your wife for dinner every night. Or staying up late and finally building that flat pack that has been sat in the hallway and tidying the study so you can start writing that long awaited novel. This week think about the most important person in your life – YOU.